Tuesday, 21 August 2012


“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.”
― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

I don't think i could ever find words to describe what i have been feeling lately , more apt than that....as much of a reader as i am , i generally find solace in my own words.....or rather the spaces in between...and so much that one leaves unsaid...
....nature's escape hatch ?
I don't know.....but what i do know is that the mere act of putting pen to paper or in this case as the mind takes off with lightening speed , the fingers comply ...fly over the keyboard as if commemorating an age old ritual of keeping rhythm , gloriously attuned to each other .

On days like these....i pull back....withdraw as much as i can into myself.....feeling a need to nourish my solitude , giving credence to what is uppermost on my mind instead of letting it drown under a deluge of what the world wants to throw my way.....to live my life, my way....with all the intensity i can and need to muster.

there was a power cut this morning....just as the rain started to pick up momentum...its gentle pitter patter transforming into a swishy symphony....everything went silent and draped in muted shades around me....i felt so gloriously cut off from everything....every nuance in the scenes around me, every tiny creak, got picked up and highlighted and felt all my own.....
every thought , every feeling unadulterated.....uncensored even.....finally...a smile playing on my lips...as i silently mouthed my favorite rumi lines.....

In your light i learn how to love
in your beauty, how to make poems
you dance inside my chest
where no one sees you
but sometimes i do..........
and , that sight
becomes this art

yes....finally...i could deal with the overwhelming emotions that besiege me ....every time i step out to shoot......finally i could feel a sense of calm steal over me in wanting to share it with the world....and a purpose in it all...

there are endless boundaries we place upon ourselves and the world erects for us......there is only one way to find out where to draw the line....
only one way to find out where the line is
and that is by---crossing it
push push push
ask the world
ask yourself

can you handle it.....?

wrapping my fingers around my coffee mug, i tried to unravel the layers of my sub conscious . just that...
i think , like me ...my inner goddess has had an overdose of 50 shades and has decided to revert back to her introverted pyjama clad hammock swinging self .

It is so easy to lose sight, lose purpose in doing what we love to do....to doubt the very reason of it all . I think , in each one of us , there is both a glowing ember and this fiercely frozen icicle....as seasons come go...the seasons of the heart and soul mind you...at any give time....some times...the ember thaws and melts the cold part....and on others...the chill seeps into every molecule and the ember knows it must wait the winter out....



  1. If you really know the desert, you know that you cant outsmart the storm, when it comes, its one of the few occassions, that I accept the only thing to do is cover your head and wait for the storm to pass, the result is the same, if you find you survived the storm, "Whatever did not kill you just made you stronger";)

    1. smiles...married to a tankman baz.....i can't escape the desert or knowing my way around it....

      i read a bumper sticker the other day....whatever does not kill you ,sometimes effs up your brain fully...:))

  2. wow, you really brought your inner thought process alive in this....i feel you on those reflective moments and pulling back within yourself...love the rumi...the storms have both positive and negative energy you know...smiles....

    1. grins....ahem...am jus kinda starting on blogger..you are gonna get used to my rambles..

      positive and negative....hmmm....doesn't everything....i suppose its what you give to the universe that gets bounced back....non ?

  3. Boundaries, borders, lines in the sand ... the brave cross them, not to be heroic or reckless, but because they have no choice but to act on what is in the core of their being. Likewise, the weak and timid live in uncertainty of the nature of their own beings, and so fear to step forward and risk living life ...

    1. yes....not to be heroic or reckless....but because the option of not doing so wasn't ever there....

  4. Like to look back and reflect
    And yeah either to neglect or protect
    All can easily lose sight
    And fall to dark from light
    But that is life I suppose
    And we have to see where it goes

    1. they say its not us who have memories ...its the memories that have us....

  5. I like your piece on inner solitude ;) I also like the quote on the sand storm. Hugs you

  6. So well said, Sonny...
    there are storms in all our lives... but they make the sunshine only that much brighter.
    Wishing you only sun today!

    1. heyyyyy....i likes ma rain...:))

    2. you know what they say na....?

      into each life...a little rain must fall....:))

  7. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you...this made me re-think some of my own storms...really cool reflections here sonny.. great deal of wisdom in your words and sometimes it needs just that powercut...literally or mentally to give us enough space to find ourselves again in this

    1. thanks for stopping by claudia...and reflecting....:)

  8. You have the gift of putting into words what we are feeling, sometimes just a little too evocative :-)
    I love the rain and thunder, and I have learnt that if I cant stop whatever it is, to keep my head down.

  9. smiles....a little "too " evocative ?......my mum always cribbed...from the time i was little....i've lived my life in technicolor....its the only way i know...:))

    1. My life is rather beige, but at least its not black and white :-)

  10. wow, that's a lot of depth in description. good post man

  11. What a gift you have with words... a very enlightening post.

    Anna :o]