“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.”
― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore
I don't think i could ever find words to describe what i have been feeling lately , more apt than that....as much of a reader as i am , i generally find solace in my own words.....or rather the spaces in between...and so much that one leaves unsaid...
....nature's escape hatch ?
I don't know.....but what i do know is that the mere act of putting pen to paper or in this case as the mind takes off with lightening speed , the fingers comply ...fly over the keyboard as if commemorating an age old ritual of keeping rhythm , gloriously attuned to each other .
On days like these....i pull back....withdraw as much as i can into myself.....feeling a need to nourish my solitude , giving credence to what is uppermost on my mind instead of letting it drown under a deluge of what the world wants to throw my way.....to live my life, my way....with all the intensity i can and need to muster.
there was a power cut this morning....just as the rain started to pick up momentum...its gentle pitter patter transforming into a swishy symphony....everything went silent and draped in muted shades around me....i felt so gloriously cut off from everything....every nuance in the scenes around me, every tiny creak, got picked up and highlighted and felt all my own.....
every thought , every feeling unadulterated.....uncensored even.....finally...a smile playing on my lips...as i silently mouthed my favorite rumi lines.....
In your light i learn how to love
in your beauty, how to make poems
you dance inside my chest
where no one sees you
but sometimes i do..........
and , that sight
becomes this art
yes....finally...i could deal with the overwhelming emotions that besiege me ....every time i step out to shoot......finally i could feel a sense of calm steal over me in wanting to share it with the world....and a purpose in it all...
there are endless boundaries we place upon ourselves and the world erects for us......there is only one way to find out where to draw the line....
only one way to find out where the line is
and that is by---crossing it
push push push
ask the world
can you handle it.....?
wrapping my fingers around my coffee mug, i tried to unravel the layers of my sub conscious . just that...
i think , like me ...my inner goddess has had an overdose of 50 shades and has decided to revert back to her introverted pyjama clad hammock swinging self .
It is so easy to lose sight, lose purpose in doing what we love to do....to doubt the very reason of it all . I think , in each one of us , there is both a glowing ember and this fiercely frozen icicle....as seasons come go...the seasons of the heart and soul mind you...at any give time....some times...the ember thaws and melts the cold part....and on others...the chill seeps into every molecule and the ember knows it must wait the winter out....