when i was little....my mother had passed instructions to everybody in our home...a tap on sonny's shoulder every time she starts talking and takes off as if somebody has pressed the fast fwd button on her precious red n black philips two -in -one . This was her effort at teaching me how to speak concisely without eating up half my words....slow me down a tad .
The philips two in one , which in those days meant that you had a tape recorder and an in built radio, went everywhere with me ....i saw , soaked , breathed life in technicolor ....and in my head...there was a song in the back ground of every scene life presented . Life it seemed was unfolding at such humongous velocity , it felt almost natural to have a head brimming with words and speak at the same speed to keep pace .
It is now....a fortnight away from turning 35 , i realize....i am probably a late bloomer . Still the same somewhere inside....still brimming with words and thoughts...still overwhelmed with seemingly mundane things which come across as ordinary everyday life to most ....emotions like cumulus clouds ....
..................What HAS changed is my need to communicate or even attempt doing the weirdo act of speaking aloud about the frames as they filter through the sieve of my eyes, mind and heart...and get absorbed into the very marrow of me . You cannot . Its impossible . Needless to say, i make extremely bad company , i can walk quietly by your side endlessly without feeling the need to say a word , disconcerting to many... at the most i might look up at your eyes , it isn't that i am not paying attention to what others around me are saying , what you are saying , au contraire every syllable , every nuance of body language gets registered .....
The change is in the velocity i mentioned above . With each passing year....i have learned to slow down ....and set my own pace so to speak . On the graph of life...a longer arc ...all my own .
Which is why i write and make pictures ......i set my own pace . I once heard Gulzar say that words are like solid rock formations....they always have shadows underneath , tilt one and see what crawls out...and sometimes the weight of them becomes too much to keep inside . There is that weight...and then , there is the literal weight every word carries which you share , communicate to anybody . Therefore i dole them out in precious miserly bits....because somewhere...someone is simple enough to hold them close to their heart .
My pictures , i am often told...reflect the same . Reflect what i was feeling when i took the shot...or rather when i saw the frame....hopefully , in time ...i will learn to detach myself from the subject and convey the subject matter in my pictures , in their own light , so to speak .
I still view life , sometimes through technicolor glasses...sometimes in sepia or black and white... , still a song in the background ....chewing on thoughts and feelings ....catapulting them onto the paper my way...to see what crawls out . Concisely .
I guess ma's plan did work out .